Falling Inside the Black
by The Incredible Klutz
Summary: Snippets of the missing backstory of why Severus beckame a Death Eater at all. Song-fic to Skillet's Falling Inside the Black.


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**Disclaimer: The characters and plot belong to JK Rowling, the Song is property of Skillet and their associates in making the album _Comatose_. I own nothing.**

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Severus watched in horrified silence as Lily stalked away from him. His cheek still stung with the force of her slap. He resisted the urge to touch it.

It had been a mistake. A slip of the tongue. But he had still said it. He'd broken his promise to Lily, the love of his life, the only woman that he had ever desired. And he knew what would come of his betrayal.

Lily would go to Potter who would take her in with open arms. He would think that he'd won her over, the arrogant bastard. Lily held no interest for James but Severus hated him. And that would be enough for her to take out her revenge.

For all of her Gryffindor bravery she was a Slytherin at heart and he knew that she would not be above revenge. Not after what he'd called her. His crime was worthy of revenge in her mind. She loathed the word. Mudblood.

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_Tonight I'm so alone  
This sorrow takes a hold  
Don't leave me here so cold  
Never want to be so cold  
_

Green eyes drilled into his as he watched her with Potter. How she moved her stool closer to his and rested her hand casually on his thigh. She knew it was hurting him; He didn't miss the small smirk that held all of her contempt towards him.

He would never have her back and she wanted him to know it.

Severus looked away from her, back at the components necessary for the potion that they had been set to brewing. He focused on them, on preparing them correctly, adding them at the correct time. He couldn't meet that horribly accusing gaze again.

_Your touch used to be so kind_  
_Your touch used to give me life_  
_I've waited all this time, I've wasted so much time_

He'd received the invitation as some sort of cruel prank. Her torment of him was not over, apparently. He stared at the card declaring Lily and James' marriage with blurred vision. He felt a wetness on his cheek- the same cheek that Lily has slapped nearly two years ago.

That day would haunt him, he knew. It would mark the day of his betrayal, the day of his loss. A loss to his greatest opponent. Potter. Would she really take it so far as to marry the man she had once hated? Or did she grow to love him?

Severus crumpled the piece of parchment in his hand and let it drop to the floor. He moved toward the fireplace, tossing a small amount of floo powder into the grate before calling out his destination.

Lily had made her choice and now he had made his.

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_Don't leave me alone  
Cause I barely see at all  
Don't leave me alone_

A small hiss of pain escaped his lips at the burning sensation on his left forearm. He watched the tattoo take shape, marring the pale skin there. The skull and snake. The mark of his new master.

His initiation was almost immediate. Lucius had brought him directly from his manor and presented him to the Dark Lord offering up the highest recommendations of his potions work. Voldemort had listened with a bored look on his face before turning to Severus and without warning forcing his way into his mind before he could prepare himself for the intrusion.

The Dark Lord searched his mind for clues of treachery before accepting him and branding him with the Dark Mark. He waited for Severus to rise before giving him a list of potions that he would have need for and a strict deadline for them.

Severus took the list with little more than a nod and a mumbled 'Yes, Milord' before returning to his home, feeling satisfied that he had made the right choice.

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_I'm Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Dreaming of the way it used to be  
Can you hear me  
Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Falling inside the black  
Falling inside falling inside the black_

He felt the hate for Potter flare back to life upon the news of Lily's pregnancy reaching him. She would bear his spawn? The thought of her allowing him to touch her disgusted him and he felt a new hate growing for the fetus.

The child would be born of spite and arrogance and would no doubt be raised to be just as obnoxious as his father was and just as vindictive as his mother.

Severus glared at his reflection in the mirror of his wardrobe and couldn't help but wonder what the child of Lily's would be like if it had been his.

But as soon as the thoughts crossed his mind he shook them away and donned his silver Death Eater mask. The burning on his arm grew in intensity as he readied himself for whatever his master had in store for his faithful servants.

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_You were my source of strength  
I've traded everything  
That I love for this one thing  
Stranded in the offering_

Severus ached all over as he returned to Spinner's End. The Dark Lord had not been pleased with his lack of information.

Only half of a prophecy predicting his master's downfall was unacceptable. But Dumbledore, the old coot, had intervened on his spying and sent him away without wiping his memory. Did he really think that he would keep information of this magnitude from Voldemort?

The man was senile, off his rocker. But Severus had reported the news, taken his punishment for not returning with the full of it and been on his way, his job done.

The Prophecy spoke of a child that would bring about the fall of the Dark Lord. Born to parents who had defied him three times before at the end of July. Severus blanched as realization crashed over him.

Lily's child was due at the end of July. And she and James fit the description of the prophecy. Severus felt physically ill as he stumbled to the fireplace and calling out for the Hog's Head Inn in Hogsmead.

He would not allow Lily to be killed for the sake of a prophecy made by a questionable seer.

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_Don't leave me here like this  
Can't hear me scream from the abyss  
And now I wish for you my desire_

_Don't leave me alone  
Cause I barely see at all  
Don't leave me alone  
_

Severus sat in his new quarters in the dungeons of Hogwarts. He had a new master who had asked him to spy on the Dark Lord and a Dark Lord who asked him to spy on the old coot.

He had a migraine simply thinking about it. But it would protect Lily and hopefully her son, even if he was Potter's spawn. His heart ached with the thought of Lily but he smothered the feeling under hate for her husband and contempt for the son that was not his.

He stood up from the comfortable armchair and rummaged in his liquor cabinet before calling for a house elf. He ordered the creature to bring him a bottle of the strongest brandy that Hogwarts had in stock and sat back, retiring himself to a long night of drinking and a very bad headache tomorrow morning.

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_I'm Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Dreaming of the way it used to be  
Can you hear me  
Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Falling inside the black  
Falling inside falling inside the black  
Black, black, black_

Falling in the black...  
Slipping through the cracks...

Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Dreaming of the way it used to be  
Can you hear me  
Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Falling inside the black  
Can you hear me?  
Falling inside the black  
Can you hear me?  
Falling inside the black  
Can you hear me?  
Falling inside  
Falling inside, falling inside the black

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